Can unresolved c-PTSD symptoms like low self-esteem and a distorted self-image ruin your relationship with money and success, leading to continued financial trauma or lack of financial stability in the present?
Complex ptsd plays a huge role in adults with financial trouble but it's not the same as childhood money trauma, though they do tend to show up together many times than not.
A study published by the National Library reveals that having experienced more ACEs is correlated with having more financial stress in adulthood as measured by food security and housing security (The Link Between Adverse Childhood Experiences and Financial Security in Adulthood). In short, the answer, it seems, is an absolute yes, and my experience also supports this conclusion. CPTSD has a way of showing up in areas of our lives that matter most so it's no wonder why, next to interpersonal relationships, our relationship with money and envisioned success is one we have difficulty mastering and even understanding.
Various forms of trauma influence the development and breaking of neuro-pathways within the brain, which then directly affects the decision-making process (Perry, 2009). A hallmark of psychological trauma is a distortion in the sense of self and a fundamental shift in psychophysiology (Ross, Coambs 2018). Children who have experienced complex trauma often have difficulty identifying, expressing, and managing emotions, and may have limited language for feeling states. They often internalize and/or externalize stress reactions and as a result may experience significant depression, anxiety, or anger (The National Child Traumatic Stress Network).
Repeated Trauma Affects Spending Habits
If our lives are a culmination of the decisions we make on a daily, monthly, yearly basis, and our emotions or the understanding of them is the catalyst that propels us to act on a decision, where does this leave the 60% of adults who were abused and neglected as children and are left with only fragments of themselves, not being able to feel or express an array of emotions accurately and with a defective system for making decisions? If one’s entire world view is skewed, of themselves and their relation to the outer, what are the chances a correct and favorable decision is made on their behalf? Particularly when it comes to money management and financial success?
Repeated trauma affects brain development and the ability to regulate emotions. The constant release of stress hormones damage neuropathways and these neuropathways may be rerouted to reflect an emotional or psychological void left by the traumatic experience(s), often attempted to be satisfied through spending money, hoarding money, or controlling through access to or limitation of money (Ross & Coambs, 2018). In other words, abused and neglected children are forced to self-soothe in the face of terror without a proper understanding of their existential reality, leading to a misrepresentation of the self and their relationship to the outer world. The distortion in the sense of self commonly found among trauma survivors greatly affects one’s psychophysiology. It significantly impacts decision-making, such as when it is and is not appropriate to spend money, further implying that these poor spending habits not only be a habit but physiologically embedded into one’s brain chemistry (Shapiro, 2018). Compulsive spenders spend to manage unpleasant emotions such as depression, anxiety or low self-esteem. For compulsive spenders, retail therapy is the primary or only means of coping with stress while those who hoarded money were often people who experienced abandonment, betrayal, and childhood deprivation (Three Common Money Disorders).
A review of a study written by financial planner Holly Donaldson further illustrates how those with higher self-worth and an accurate awareness of the self were willing to take losses sooner while those with lower self-worth held on to losing investments longer (The Journal of Behavioral Finance, p. 237). The theory is that a loss (in investments) can be viewed as a threat to one's identity and those with low self-worth are prone to taking defensive actions to protect their identity, such as denying the threat, dismissing it, or distorting it. People with high self-worth have a higher threshold before taking a defensive action. Their identities are not threatened quite so easily and they're able to assess and accept, then quickly cut their losses and move on (Self Esteem Can Affect your Returns, Holly Donaldson).
A View of the World from the Distorted Self
A distorted self-image is defined as someone who's view of themselves is not based on reality. Given toxic shame is one of the most intensely felt and everlasting symptoms of c-ptsd (Walker, Heller & La Pierre) and a precursor for a significantly distorted sense of self, I think back to my own struggles with money and career development before coming to understand the mechanics of c-ptsd. My distorted self-image convinced me that any level of success I could imagine was achievable by just imagining it or focusing on it while never really putting the work in. Another version of my distorted self-image told me a toxic business partner that came along with a lop-sided power dynamic was the best deal that ever showed up in my life and I happily worked around the clock to please and appease. The endless loop of rise and downfall, feast then famine; the exhausting intervals of shame then redemption that I put myself through by changing jobs, career paths, business commitments, and financial goals every few years for 20 years is, I've come to learn, accurately labeled as “retraumatization” or what I call, “the trauma cycle”.
Research shows that emotional regulation is difficult for those living with cptsd. We tend to operate out of our limbic brain where instant resolve is an absolute necessity while simultaneously, much of our logical brain that needs time to process thoughts and perspectives is completely suppressed in stressful situations. The more severe and frequent your childhood trauma was, the more integrated your trauma response will be. We all know the saying "neurons that fire together, wire together", right? Dealing with money matters is usually stressful. But stress isn’t always negative. In fact, stress is defined as “importance, significance, or emphasis placed on something” and is often a great signal we can use to better and improve our current situation. But it's not so suavely handled for people who have a brain that immediately sends us back to the state of childhood trauma and sheer terror anytime a bit of intense stimuli is detected from our surrounding environment. "The children of unpredictable parents often clamored for attention and became intensely frustrated in the face of small challenges... By far, the most important predictor of how well his subjects coped with life's inevitable disappointments was the level of security established with their primary caregiver during the first two years of life" (The Body Keeps the Score, p163).
Inconsistency Keeps Success out of Reach
Business or career success is rarely achieved by being a fast learner or because you're great at sales or for your amazing leadership. Rather, it’s a cumulation of valuable and respectable qualities and skills displayed and utilized at the right time with the right people in the right environment. It’s knowing when to fire, when to simmer, when to turn it off and when to kick it up a notch. And largely, it’s about staying committed, consistent, and following through, especially in times of adversity and difficulty. Part skill and part interpersonal relationships, it comes down to seeing yourself and your relation to the outer world with brilliant clarity and accuracy.
Inconsistency and trouble with relationships is very much the result of a distorted self-image and a distorted self image further reinforces the habit of inconsistency and trouble with relationships. It was the crux of my trauma cycle that kept a stronghold on my life. Later, I would learn that this, too, is a common thread among many adults with c-ptsd. It is incredibly difficult to build lasting relationships without consistency but it's even harder to stay consistent when your emotions are constantly swayed by and responding to the ever-changing world you have no control over. Ironically, inconsistency is also an attribute pronounced by the consistent firing and wiring of paired neurons in the brain. The more firing together, the stronger the wiring bond.
Instability or staying in a constant state of flux was my home base. Anytime my professional life or relationships became stable and presented me with the opportunity to grow and relax, I kicked the dirt and made a mess that needed my attention and absolute focus. "No time to review where it all went wrong! Gotta clean up this shiny new mess over here!" My fragmented reality demanded that I stay hypervigilant, suspicious, and restless. On the outside, I craved stability and a safe environment to send down my roots. But my inner world kept me on the move, changing jobs and industries to moving from state to state for a place to call home. I never had the time to make a plan, never had the energy to self-reflect, and never had the time to learn from my past mistakes. I just kept bulldozing my way through from a distorted worldview, never daring to point the finger at myself; I was the architect of my own demise, my own worst enemy. This, in my view, is the epitome of a distorted sense of self; not understanding that the decisions you actively make will have a cause and effect and in turn, remaining powerless to design your own life of meaning and happiness. What a self-deprecating, agonizing reality to be trapped in.
Trauma begets more trauma. In the same realm – financial trauma often begets more financial trauma and it shows up as financial illiteracy, poor money management, lack of follow through towards financial goals, terrible sense of career or business trajectory, using money for control, and the culprit is always a distorted sense of self and a distorted worldview. Where participants reported earnings, individuals with documented histories of abuse and/or neglect reported almost $8,000 less per year on average than controls (National Library of Medicine).
The Captain of your Destiny
Without intentional change and intentional effort, we continue to traumatize ourselves through the actions we take. "Being a patient, rather than a participant in one's healing process, separates suffering people from their community and alienates them from an inner sense of self" (The Body Keeps the Score, p 38). Though this may come off as cruel unforgiving, and a ton of hard work, it is actually the golden ticket that will catapult you toward a brighter, more promising, satisfying future. One where you get to have a say in how your life turns out, how you can spend your time and energy, what you get to do for a living, who you get to have friendships and relationships with. It's one where you get to be the captain of your ship.
In the case of mental health and especially for those coming to understand how deeply cptsd has shaped your self-image and worldview, the best defense is a good offense. Be proactive in understanding the injury. Making sense of what happened and understanding how complex trauma symptoms affected me neurologically, emotionally, and physically was the first step in taking control of my out-of-control life. It was my first lifeline. Once I began to peel back the first layer, and the next one, and another one, my life began to come into clear focus. Things began to click and it became relatively easy for me to see all the other areas of my life that were touched by c-ptsd. Be proactive in self-reflection, proactive in education, proactive in building healthy and safe connections, and be proactive in promoting kindness and compassion towards others by being kind and compassionate. It's what we needed the most and what the world needs most today.
Praying for peace and recovery,
Nari